Mila "mailto:tips@thedailybeast.com Sexual Massage ❤️

About Sapporo

So, sexual-massage—fancy term for rubbin’ one out with extra steps, right? I mean, ya go in all tense, some chick or dude’s got their paws all over ya, and it’s supposed to be “therapeutic.” Ha! Don’t gimme that malarkey—I’ve seen the backrooms of retail, I know sketchy when I see it. Little known fact: back in the ‘90s, these “massage parlors” were poppin’ up like zits on a teen—cops busted one in my old town, found out the “masseuse” was a ex-stripper named Candy. True story! Made me laugh ‘til I cried—happy tears, ‘cause who doesn’t love a good bust?